What Are Living Amends? And How Do You Make Them? Cake Blog Cake: Create a Free End of Life Plan

These promises are often the most difficult to keep because addiction plays a decisive role in a person’s ability to live up to their promises. Their parent may feel more pain for their addicted child’s inability to get sober than the material items lost due to the thefts. Although recovery in general must be done selfishly (i.e. you must put yourself before others in order to get well), Step Nine is the most selfless of all steps. It’s the point where we acknowledge that our behaviors damage others beyond ourselves. But to rectify this damage, we can’t maintain the same “me first” attitude that many of the other steps require. It cannot be bought because God has freely given it to us.

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Many alcoholics in early sobriety struggle with how to make direct amends for certain offenses against others. To help, we’ve compiled a list of examples of making amends in recovery that deal with ambiguous scenarios. You need to find the approach that works best for you. Talk with your sponsor or others in your recovery community about what has worked for them. If your actions match your intentions and you reach out in person, you are doing the next right thing to right past wrongs.

Don’t settle for an apology.

The key aspect of indirect amends is marijuana addiction focusing on personal growth and changing harmful behaviors. Someone telling you not to feel guilty rarely cures guilt. Self-forgiveness can be a long and complicated process.

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You should also keep in mind that not everyone may forgive you or accept your attempt to make amends and if they do, it may not happen right away. The other person may have a lot to say to you which can sometimes be hard to hear, but again, this is something to anticipate. Arguably the biggest challenge in making amends is learning to accept it if the other person denies your amends or doesn’t want to talk at all.

Making Living Amends in 12 Step Recovery

You can still be true to that by making an honest apology and not making excuses for why you didn’t follow through. Then, the next time around, make sure to make good on your word. Making any type of amends can be challenging, but in this article, we’ll focus on living amends and tips for how to make them. If you or a loved one is struggling to stay sober or needs help maintaining sobriety while working the 12 Steps, Eudaimonia Recovery Homes can help.

• Especially if the disease behaviors created deep fissures, or if they are used in place of more direct amends.
• Experiencing a mental health or substance use issue can be intimidating but you don’t have to do it alone.
• Maybe it is a fight you always thought you had time to resolve.
• Think of amends as actions taken that demonstrate your new way of life in recovery, whereas apologies are basically words.

It also shares useful coping tools, and helps the reader reflect on their unique relationship with grief and loss. Notice the words “right to resentment” and “underserved qualities” in there? It is about what we do despite that wrongdoing, living amends “abandoning our right to resentment . . . “.

• If he specifically asks for my opinion, which he doesn’t, I will give it.
• Preparing for amends involves deep reflection on past actions and considering the intent behind them.
• Making amends does not undoing the wrongdoing, just as forgiveness doesn’t undo the wrongdoing.
• However, these promises are usually the result of deep feelings of shame, guilt, and regret and may not be genuine for some.
• Donating money, volunteering time, or providing care can serve as indirect amends when direct communication is not feasible.